


I'm Still Not Coming Home (Miss You Always)

by mydogfoundthechainsaw



Category: The Strain (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Introspection, Still Salty Over Her Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 05:37:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5654398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydogfoundthechainsaw/pseuds/mydogfoundthechainsaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am still super salty over her death. This is going to change everything, and I'm...interested in what will happened.</p><p>This may have more chapters later on, from other parts of view. No promises.</p><p>Also, totally not beta read.</p></blockquote>





	I'm Still Not Coming Home (Miss You Always)

_Stop._ That word, his inflection, echoed in her head as she felt the worms skittering around inside of her. It was making the last bits of her time fly. She wanted to be angry, hurt, confused over that word, but she couldn’t. Mothers held a strong grip, and Kelly’s body was enough to fool a boy like that. Or at least that’s what she told herself, muttering it over the Master’s screams.

With some effort, she pushed the boy out of her head. He was everywhere now. The worms were settling in and they were becoming her Dear Ones—Eph and Zach and Setrakin and Vasily and Dutch. She could feel them, want them, and she knew it was almost time. If her tear ducts still worked, she would cry. But not enough of her was left to fight and have those sorts of emotions.

She hoped they worked it out. She was sure before, that they would. Before Eph went to talk about the bioweapon, before the train blew just to get one boy. But now. Now she could feel the Master in her head, whisphering quietly about how it would win. Part of her—most of her—wasn’t sure that people would realize the situation before he got his voices everywhere. Even if they finishe dit, the world would be small, not the amazing, beautiful, widespread world she had hoped to save.

But it wasn’t only that. Cracks were showing. Even as she left, she’d felt problems were brewing. Her and Eph, Eph and Zach, Dutch and Vasilly. The councilwoman and the mayor, everywhere. All of them were breaking. Humans were strong, but this was new. They’d all have issues beforehand, and here, everything was heightened. Pain was no longer that of everyday life; it was coupled with the threat of extermination.

Her friends, her loved nes, were strong and determined and smart, though. If nothing else, they’d end it. They might—would, her mind, the Master whispered—destroy themselves in the process, but some might survive. _Are you sure humanity deserves it?_ A voice echoed.

Crying, screaming, digging the worms out were all out of the question. That wouldn’t help. Nothing would help. Then she started laughing. Her last moments. So fatalistic, uncharacteristic of her.

This wasn’t the end she wanted. Nothing she dreamed. If anything, she’d hoped to take them out with her. Something big, explosions even Vasilly would be proud of. Not here, alone, knowing the only people she’d destroy would be her and her loved ones.

He was coming. She could feel him. She wanted him, all of her, the human and the strigoi, and she was scared he would take too long. That the latter part of herself would win. So she tried to distract herself. She thought of those she loved. And she started wishing, praying.

For Zach, she wished he’d experience her dad’s love, and survive his mom’s. That she wouldn’t destroy him like the Master had destroyed so much else. For Eph, she hoped for the impossible—that this wouldn’t break him. That he wouldn’t sink into a spiral of despair and self-loathing that would destroy him, even if he saved everyone else. For Setrakin, she prayed for peace, for a successful end to his fight. That he would know, if not see, the Master destroyed and breathe a free man, for once. For Dutch, she desired happiness, redemption. That she’d let herself embrace love, and realize she wasn’t the horrible person she believed herself to be. And for Vasilly, she wanted survival. That he’d, because he was the most likely out of all of them, would live, and thrive, past the Master.

The wishes, they were impossible. She knew it, deep in her veins, crawling with worms. But she couldn’t tell if that was the Master saying that. The Master was scared of them, in the hidden parts of himself, parts she could feel as she succommed more and more. There was a chance. A small, small one, that her wishes would come true.

And so finally, she let herself wish one for herself. That she would see them again. Happy and safe, somewhere past this world. Because she didn’t want the last image of her to be the one Eph saw tnow.

He’d finally reached her. The goodbye would have to be short, but she wasn’t sure she could’ve prolonged it, even if she wasn’t becoming a monster. This wasn’t supposed to be the ending, she wanted to scream. That _stop_. It’d doomed her, doomed all of them. It was so much to put on a little boy, afraid for his mother, yet she couldn’t see anything else to do. Fighting through the worms, she told Eph the truth. What had happened, and why she had to do what she was about to do. He knew it, and the knowledge was breaking him. If she asked him to do it, it’d obliterate him. And he was necessary, even the Master realized that, or else taking Zach wouldn’t have been such a high priority.

So she just hoped, the next time she saw him, they’d bring news of the Master’s defeat. Because that was the way stories like theirs ended, she realized as she brought the sword down. They ended in pain, blood, losing those you loved. Happily ever after wasn’t part of this story.

But that didn’t mean she couldn't wish.

**Author's Note:**

> I am still super salty over her death. This is going to change everything, and I'm...interested in what will happened.
> 
> This may have more chapters later on, from other parts of view. No promises.
> 
> Also, totally not beta read.


End file.
